When you are worried about someone

If you're worried about someone's mental health, this guide will help you start the conversation, know what to say, and understand what to do next.

You don't need to be a trained professional to help. Often the most important thing is simply letting someone know you've noticed and you care.

If someone is in immediate danger: Call 999. If they are not in immediate danger but need urgent support: Samaritans - 116 123 (free, 24/7) | Crisis Text Line - text SHOUT to 85258 | NHS - call 111, mental health option.

Signs Someone Might Be Struggling

There is no single sign. But if you notice several of these, it might be worth checking in:

Withdrawing from friends, family or activities they usually enjoy
Changes in sleep, eating or energy levels
Seeming more irritable, anxious or low than usual
Talking about feeling hopeless, trapped or like a burden
Increased use of alcohol or drugs
Giving away possessions or saying goodbye
Sudden calm after a period of distress (this can sometimes indicate a decision has been made)
Saying things like "I can't do this anymore" or "everyone would be better off without me"

Trust your instincts. If something feels wrong, it probably is.

How to Start the Conversation

Starting is the hardest part. You don't need the perfect words - you just need to show up.

Things you can say

"I've noticed you haven't seemed yourself recently. How are you doing?"
"I wanted to check in. Is everything okay?"
"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, but I'm here if you do."
"I care about you and I've been a bit worried. Can we talk?"
"There's no pressure to explain everything - I just wanted you to know I've noticed."

When and where

Choose a time when you won't be interrupted
Somewhere private and comfortable - not in front of others
Walking side by side can feel less intense than sitting face to face
A text message is fine if that feels more natural for your relationship
Don't force it - if they're not ready, let them know the door is open

What to Do When They Open Up

Do

Listen more than you speak
Let them lead - don't rush to fill silences
Acknowledge what they're feeling: "That sounds really difficult"
Thank them for telling you: "I'm glad you told me"
Ask what they need: "How can I help?" or "What would be most useful right now?"
Be honest if you don't know what to say: "I'm not sure what to say, but I want to help"

Do not

Try to fix it or offer solutions immediately
Minimise their feelings: "It's not that bad" or "other people have it worse"
Make it about you: "I know exactly how you feel"
Panic visibly - even if what they say worries you
Promise to keep secrets if they mention self-harm or suicide
Pressure them to see a professional before they're ready (but do encourage it gently)

If They Mention Suicide

If someone tells you they are thinking about suicide, stay calm. Asking about suicide does not put the idea in someone's head - it can be a relief to talk about it.

What to do

Take it seriously. Every time.
Ask directly: "Are you thinking about ending your life?" - being direct shows you can handle the answer
Listen without judgement
Ask if they have a plan or timeline - this helps you understand the level of risk
If they are in immediate danger, call 999
If they are not in immediate danger, encourage them to contact Samaritans (116 123) or go to A&E
Offer to sit with them while they make the call, or help them get to a safe place
Follow up - check in the next day and the days after

After the Conversation

Follow up. A text the next day saying "just thinking of you" can make a huge difference
Keep checking in - don't assume one conversation is enough
Don't share what they told you without their consent, unless someone is in danger
Help with practical steps if they want: booking a GP appointment, finding a local service, researching support options
Be patient - recovery takes time, and there may be setbacks

Looking After Yourself

Supporting someone who is struggling can take a toll on you too. That's normal.

You are not responsible for fixing their problems - you are there to care, listen and help them find support
Talk to someone you trust about how you're feeling (without sharing confidential details)
Set boundaries - you can care deeply and still protect your own wellbeing
Contact Samaritans yourself if you need to talk - the service is for anyone, not just people in crisis
Give yourself credit - showing up and listening is one of the most important things anyone can do